The most offensive conversation ever

I was walking out of dinner with some friends tonight when a couple guys with dorky helmets, white short-sleeved button downs and black pants peddled up to us on their sweet Schwinns. You know where this is going.

They introduced themselves to us and asked our names. When my friend Yuta (pronounced just like the state) told them his name, they insisted on seeing his drivers' license because they thought he was cracking a joke at their expense. It turns out he was not joking, and when asked if we knew of the Mormon faith, he was the only one to say "No". Thanks, Yuta.

Elder #1: "So I assume you all know about Christ"
George and Daniel: "Sure"
Yuta: "My family is Buddhist. I don't know what I believe."

Again, THANKS YUTA.

When pressed, Daniel admitted he'd attended Catholic school, and I informed them I was more of a 'buffet theologian', to which Elder #1 responded "Cool!" much to Elder #2's dismay. They then asked if we knew about Mormonism, and I mistakenly said yes. Elder #2 then asked me to explain what I knew to Yuta. I don't really know how to spin a good yarn about crackpot playboys and Native Americans being dubbed Lamanites and "burned" into darker skin colors because they were spurned by God, so I abstained from explaining what precious little I know of their religion. I should have said something, I guess, but I just let them go on.

They began to wax about Jesus until my jerk side took over and I asked "And so where was Jesus from?"
Elder #2: "Jerusalem."
Me: "And when he died, he went to..."
Elder #2: "Heaven"
Me: "and then...?"
Elder #2: "Jerusalem, again."
Me: "... and finally to..."
Elder #1: "Well, our best guess is somewhere around Iowa."

I think Elder #2 sensed they had a Code 9 with my smart ass.

Elder #2:"You see," he continued, "God is all about answering your prayers."
I then prayed for a muffin.
Elder #2: "The Jews prayed and look what God gave them!"
Me: "Hollywood and banking! Oh, and the holocaust."
Elder #2: "Well, uh..."
Me: "Yeah, it was a pretty bum package deal."

At this point, Yuta said "Well, I think I know you guys can't drink, right?"
Elder #2: "We can do whatever we desire"
Yuta: "Sweet, let's go get smashed!"

They then asked the time, and when we informed them it was 9:05, they stated they had to be back at their apartment by 9:00. Daniel coolly responded, "I think you're gonna be late." and then once they were safely out of earshot, "F*ck those elderlies."

Still waiting on my muffin.