My mouse crapped out at work. This is a serious issue, for without my super-sleeky and ultra-geeky MX1000, I am left staring at a very expensive paperweight for 8 hours. It's time for a trip to Fry's Electronics ... but first, I must ponder the possibilities.
I need a mouse that has enough features to make my life easier, but not so many as to make me confused and feel like an old person driving.
I need a mouse that can fly through reams of spreadsheets with a flick of the wheel, but is equally at home navigating the subtle page-slides of a delicate PDF.
I need a mouse that says "take me as a serious professional", but "I like to drink cheap beer with friends and laugh at off-color jokes*".
Found it! It's the NEW MX1000: The MX1100! Sexy. Now on to Google to see if I can find decent product reviews to justify the expense. "10/10", "5 Stars", "3 Puppy Kisses" (I have no clue what the last criterion were, but I feel warm and fuzzy after reading the review). Now not only is it sexy, but it is justifiably and sexy. And then I saw it.
Uh oh. What's this? only 4.5 Thumbs-up from CNET? I quote.
"Con: The downside of this mouse is that it isn't rechargeable. Our mouse only indicated 340 days of use before it would need a recharge. Better get some rechargeable batteries, though it's not really an eco-friendly option."
Wait, what?
Could the reviewer REALLY be serious? Don't even get me started on the whole "eco-friendly" aspect ("Oh honey, we really should opt for the battery that consumes energy for production and will litter the land with toxic innards for generations! Yaaay! I want a latte."), but can this be considered a major flaw? I can almost peer into the mind of this Prius-driving (I made an assumption. Sue me) tech-tard and see the problem this might pose: he has to fidget with the little cover on the mouse's underbelly, which can be a right pain if your fingers resemble Cheeto dust-covered Jimmy Dean breakfast links. This must be the hardest part of his year.
Tom: Ugh, Bob, it's that time of year again.
Bob: Taxes?
Tom: Yeah, and my mouse batteries are about to run out
Bob: Oh GOD, Tom! Not your MOUSE batteries! *soft weeping*
Friggin' deal with it already! You've been handed one of the great marvels of the digital age (it's got a laser!) and you're bitching that it will only last a year before you even need to think about how much power it must consume while sitting there, glued to your right mitt (or left if you're weird), conducting every little task you desire?
Take a good, long look at your mouse. I'm assuming it's of the wireless and optical variety. I'm assuming it uses batteries. And I'm assuming you can't even remember the last time you changed them. Ponder it.
It didn't mind when you used your knee as a mousepad because you spilled coffee on your desk. It knows what you looked for on ConsumptionJunction. It didn't judge you when you threw it down on your desk a little too hard after seeing that awkward Facebook photo tag. It didn't even cry when you decided it no longer needed a comfy pad, but the cold, harsh reality of your desk. It cared. It was a rock.
And all it ever asked was for two little batteries. Once a year. Is that too much to ask?
Only for CNET and their band of portly reviewers who are totally disconnected from reality. Though I'm sure they are rechargeable.
*That's totally an embellishment, by the way. There's no way in holy hell I'd drink cheap beer.
