Life choices...

"Robbie- Call your mother, she's seriously concerned about your life choices"

This was the message scrawled on a dry-erase board outside the midway loading station on the Snowflake lift a few weeks ago. I laughed at it and thought, "Poor Robbie"... but part of me realized it's only a matter of time before the Luxor light dots the night sky with a message from my own mom. Why must I be the black sheep? This post is anything but inspiring, so feel free to skip it if you're only here for the funny.

Anyone who has asked me about life in Vegas has almost certainly heard the word 'vapid' pop up in more than a passing tone, and I'm finding it to be more and more true as the days pass. People here want jobs, not careers. They want money, not happiness. The city itself embodies all that is mundane and superficial about life, and I really don't think I want to have a big part in it. Sure, I could be a mover and shaker if I really put my mind to it (riiiight), but at what cost? My soul? Dignity? Intelligence?

My dad's parting words to me as I left Breck were, "Now's the time. You've got brilliance, talent, and drive. It's time to prove yourself" Yeah, way to set the bar low, dad. As much as I dispise hearing things like that, it made me really think about how I could possibly apply any of these so-called abilities to make myself successful in this city. That, of course, bred the question of what is success. That's where I get stumped.

Those words ringing in my ears, I spent the entire ride into Denver feeling as if my heart were being wrenched out of my body through my throat. To put it on more relatable terms, think about the last time you had to leave someone you loved dearly, and you knew you wouldn't seen for quite some time. As you are pulled away, your mind floods with all the memories of what made you truely happy, and that you won't feel that happiness every morning when you wake up until the day you are reunited.

Yeah, that feeling.

Of course it was partially about leaving my parents and friends in the town, but I've come to terms with being apart from them for so long that it's no longer an issue when I depart- I know it's just a matter of time. I'm under the distinct impression that what I was missing, what was causing me such pain, was the fact that I was leaving a life I really enjoy, a town I really enjoy, and people I really enjoy. These are pangs of saddness I don't feel when I leave Indy, Nashville, Boston, or wherever the bulk of my core friends may be. These are unique.

If people ask me, "where are you from?", they can expect about a ten minute answer. I have no idea, to be honest, but I know I'm not from Vegas. The only place in the United States that I've ever felt comfort in was in Breck. I've been there alone, and I've been there with family, and my feelings of belonging have never wavered. The community is tight, the people aren't superficial, and life just evolves at a different pace. Hell, I shaved twice in three weeks and never felt like I needed to impress a single soul... quite the polar opposite of Vegas. Indiana has never held onto my heart (nor my head, for sure), and Nashville was fun while it lasted. Vegas is basically a city with a tit-job and lots of makeup, but not much upstairs.

I've absolutely met quality people out here, but such a paultry number that I couldn't even fully populate one hand with fingers if I started counting. It's not for lack of trying, it's just a lack of common interests. People dream big out here, and 99.9% of them will ultimately fail at life, even if they succeed in their 'careers'. I need to not be one of them.

I suppose this is my long-winded way of saying that I need to move. Every time I leave my friends, I don't feel the saddness of loss, but rather the saddness of knowing I'm letting my brain atrophe the minute the wheels touch down on the tarmac. My friends out here know the glee I feel when my old Vandy, Duke, what-have-you friends come to visit, and the depression I plunge into at their departure. It's not so much the people as it is the feeling of belonging and companionship on something other than a superficial level. I need that. I don't need this.

Well, I don't want to bore the two people reading this any further, but I suppose every so often it's necessary to pour your soul out to no one in particular, and I figured I'd better do it while I still have some left to pour.

The question now for me is, where? I've long dreamed of moving to Breck, even when I was 13, because I love the town. I know I won't become a tycoon, and I know I won't be broadening my horizons, but I feel like this is a necessary step in the Unbearable Being of George. I firmly believe I can be monetarily successful anywhere I go, so why confine myself to this place? What would be wrong about living where I'm happy?I don't need a big city, and I don't need a thousand clubs. I don't need any of Vegas.

I need a small group of witty friends, a decent beer, and a place I'd be proud to call home. I'd settle for any of the three right now.