Garbage State

Pt. 3 (Scroll to the bottom to read Pt.1, 2)

Well, guess where I still am? Uh huh, New York's ugly second cousin.

Mercifully, their wifi system is up and running now (it was down all day), so I don't need to use my cell phone as a wireless modem anymore. I feel bad using up a perfectly good electrical outlet in this pub while businessmen and Crackberry users go wanting, but hey- I've been stuck in frickin' New Jersey for almost 6 hours, I think I deserve a little slack here. If I want to use it, eff them. Oh god, I'm starting to talk like them. Next thing you know, I'll start dating my cousin and burying bodies in my back yard...

Kidding, kidding... There's not nearly enough nitrogen in human flesh to make an effective fertilizer.

Two quick observations about Newark- did you know that everyone in New Jersey has the same haircut? It's true. I think it's the oil refineries' residue stuck in the air or something. Even the pilots share the coiffe d'etate... which is odd. I guess when they see the lush, verdant fields of Newark on the horizon, they dip their heads in vats of oil as a show of respect. Damn drunks.

Since I said I'd make two observations, I feel compelled to add that people here have more indiscriminant moles than I've ever seen. Usually on the face. It's like God's way of putting a "Discounted for Manufacturer Defect" sticker on people from the city. Oh, and overbites. They all have overbites. Make that three observations.

Bass is good beer.

There are two French guys sitting about 5 feet from me, and for some inexplicable reason I want to punch them. It's not that they're rude, I speak French and they're perfectly genial, but I think it's the fact that they're both wearing blue-and-white checked shirts that are almost too identical. It looks like a really bad (or really good) Picasso. I just tried to take a surreptitious picture of them with my camera phone. The 'ol Yawn-Stretch-Snap technique. It was going quite well until I realized that my phone made an ungodly shutter sound and has a flash that rival's the Luxor's beam. Luckily they didn't notice. They're French.

There is now a very hostile-looking family glaring at me. I'm sitting at a table, at which I've been situated for quite some time, and they're pulling the "there are three of us at this little table, you greedy bastard" look. Ever get that? No? Ever give it? I know I do. But I've been sitting at this table since dawn, and I'll be damned if I give it up to peple who don' thave the common courtesy to a) ask if they can borrow a chair, b) ask if they can borrow the table, c) wear deoderant.

Guiness is really good, too. And no, I'm not typing slowly... I'm drinking quickly.

More to come, I'm sure, as my flight is "officially" delayed til 8:30pm; I got a text message and a voicemail from Continental. That slut.

Okay, even though I like the way I was going to end this post, a huge guy just sat down at my table and started eating nachos. I really wish I had a video diary of this day for everyone, because it's fan-freakin'-tastic. Oh, and he has an overbite and a mole. Wonder where he's from. As soon as he sat down, my WiFi signal disappeared. Does flesh absorb this stuff? My cell phone also wouldn't log on. What do you say in this situation? "Pardon me, you're sucking up all my connectivity?" I guess I'll just have to post this when I get a signal.

Damn. He just dropped a nacho down his shirt. 10 points.

Corona's bad beer.